I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
