I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
