Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
