HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
