Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
