so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
