how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
