Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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