I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
