One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
