I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
