i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
