i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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