My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
