I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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