stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
