i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize