Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
