I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
