i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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