Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
