Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My cat gives me a boner
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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