Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
