I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
