Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
