Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
