Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
