Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
