In the future we'll all be gay
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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