so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
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