You can't special order awesome
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
