Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
