She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
