This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
