so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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