Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
