david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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