I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
