He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
