this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
