How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
