I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
