i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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