im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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