She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
