The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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