I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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