i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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