I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
