she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
