Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
