I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
