Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
