ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i love accidental penises.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
