im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
