apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
