Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
