I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
