I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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