I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I FOUND THE LEGS
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
