The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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