There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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