i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
