I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
